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Paperback
Publisher: No Greater Joy Ministries
ISBN13: 9781892112002
Condition: NEW
Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
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Three thousand years ago, a wise man said, "Train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Good training is not crisis management; it is what you do before the need of discipline arises.
BR> Most parenting is accidental rather than deliberate. Imagine building a house that way. We don't need to reinvent training. There are child training principles and methods that have worked from antiquity. To neglect deliberate training is to shove your child into a sea of choices and passions without a boat of compass.
This book is not about discipline, nor problem children. The emphasis is on the training of a child before the need to discipline arises. It is apparent that, though they expect obedience, most parents never attempt to train their child to obey. They wait until the behavior becomes unbearable and then explode. With proper training, discipline can be reduced to 5% of what many now practice. As you come to understand the difference between training and discipline, you will have a renewed vision for your family, no more raised voices, no contention, no bad attitudes, fewer spankings, a cheerful atmosphere in the home, and total obedience from your children.
| Customer Reviews: |
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| Chilling approach to Christian parenting. |
| Customer Rating: 1 out of 5 |
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It is chilling to think that there are well meaning parents that adopt and administer this abusive approach to raising (lowering?) their children. Had I used these abusive rituals on my second child, I would be forever in anguish. You see, he would cry and flail about, seldom sleeping through the night between the age of 12 months and 30 months. No amount of consoling or walking with him in my arms would settle him down. The pediatrician was of little help, but we did try all sorts of medications. Never once did we slap or hit him during that time nor during the following seven years. There was a reason for the "bother" he caused us during those times. He was ill with Leukemia. He died when he was ten.
This author's use of scripture to support the use of physical and emotional abuse on babies and toddlers is pathetic. Where is grace and forgiveness on the part of the parent who is to walk in the Spirit? Can you envision Jesus using these rituals on babies and toddlers? I am acutely aware of the dynamic of using these tactics through first-hand observation over time with some relatives and friends. It didn't work! It created much conflict in the home. There are others (Tripp, Lessin)who also make good money selling this approach to Christian child abuse, justified by scripture. And the Christian-parent market has always been vulnerable to slick presentations by people who portray themselves as spiritually superior to anyone who might question the validity of their "Strategic Plan." Use this as a way of life (death?) in your home and you will lose one of God's incredible opportunities for Kingdom Living amongst the most important people of your life.
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| My notes on this book... |
| Customer Rating: 5 out of 5 |
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The parenting advice is FANTASTIC, but this book has room for improvement in organization and tact. It took me several rereadings to start to understand the whole philosophy in this book and over a year to really understand how to implement it.
these are my notes, not quotes from the book.
CH 1
discipline is about character development.
Train your kids with a calm, patient voice, no yelling.
Training starts in infancy, as soon as a baby is old enough to arch his back and pitch a fit.
The reason some parents "discipline" excessively is a lack of training children properly in the first place.
A good trainer is calm, patient, consistent, and doesn't bribe.
CH2
(I disagree with pg 14 and several other points in this chptr)
from 8-12 months a weaning process begins from parents being the child's devoted servant.
Kids develop morality gradually and aren't truly responsible until about age 8. Parents are responsible for teaching moral values before then.
A good trainer is not lazy, neglectful, or indifferent.
A child needs to have self control developed (no tantrums) before age 3.
CH3
to train a child your conditioning response should be immediate (but administered calmly and patiently enough that teaching can occur.)
if you don't like the way your children are, change YOURSELF, you are the one that trained them.
CH4
A good trainer has a good relationship built on trust and respect with their children. They enjoy spending time together, they never belittle, they never manipulate. They are sensible, just, kind, and smiling.
If the relationship is currently not a good one:
1)ask forgiveness of the child
2)develop a friendship with them
CH5
Overcoming our reluctance to spank children:
Don't withhold spankings because of crying or lighten up the intended spanking.
Don't think you are being "mean", it is in the child's best interest.
Shaming, lecturing, and depriving child of priveleges are not better than spanking.
Don't withhold spanking because of modern propaganda against spanking, be the parent!
Kids don't need to build self-esteem, they naturally think they are the center of the universe. We teach them to respect others, when they refuse, spanking is in order.
(A lot of innaccuracies in pgs 39-42, skip.)
CH6
When spanking:
1)have a prayer in your heart that it will be a valuable learning experience.
2)be calm and deliberate
3)be consistent
4)no hands! use a paddle (spankings don't happen in a burst of anger, they are a calm learning experience, pause and go get the paddle, don't use your hands.)
5)never spank in exasperation or anger
6)never spank without giving the child patient instruction as well.
CH7
Why spanking is the way to go:
Spanking teaches a child to regard rules. If there is no spanking for infringement, following the rules doesn't have the power to build a child's character.
CH8
consistency in training is vital
About obedience in the home...
demand it
expect it
train for it
discipline to receive it instantly and completely
CH9
Consequences should be consistent, not diminished as infractions get smaller.
examples of training:
bullying
tantrums
about training when its inconvenient
about sleepy children
about consistency
attitude training is vital
begging and whining
separation anxiety
defiance
CH10
Love, respect, and persuasion should be the primary parenting/training tools.
CH11
Potty training isn't something you train, it isn't a moral value, it is physical.
CH12
Delegate household work even if it is actually easier to do it yourself.
"no one is educated who cannot endure the routine of work."
CH13
training deals with actions and attitudes, but discipline is only concerned with attitude.
If you have lots of kids close in age, retraining them all may seem overwhelming. Start with the youngest and work your way up.
If you spank and the kid is still showing defiance, then you need to spank again for the defiance. If you stop when they are still defiant this breeds rebellion, you want to get to the repentant stage in order for spanking to be valuable as a learning experience:)
If angry DONT spank. Just don't.
Non-spanking=
tantrum-oriented children
Kids should never sass, tantrum, beg, bully, or whine
Don't settle for less!
If this seems unrealistic, don't despair. You may have a lot of "weeds", but it IS possible to eventually get the garden under control.
CH14
don't raise sissies
CH15
don't bribe
CH16
about bullies
CH17
don't make kids hate church/God
CH18
don't be self-righteous
CH19
A plug for homeschooling
CH20
Inspirational: letters to their children
Ch21
conclusion
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| The ideas in this book makes for HAPPY SECURE KIDS! |
| Customer Rating: 5 out of 5 |
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My daughter is now 11. I read this book before she was born. I have used the principles of this book and they work. Early on, when I would forget to follow through, she would start getting confused and would start having tantrums. Then, I would remember, that she was counting on me to do what I said and enforce the behavior limits that had been established. She is a healthy, very opinionated, artistic girl, with proven leadership qualities. Using the principles in this book, as much or as little as a person feels necessary, depending on your child's personality, will give your child confidence and sence of well being. This method does not injure a child's self esteem and is not personal. Many a time when we had been out somewhere, right when we got home she would go and get the chop stick and ask for her spanking, which, for her, was only one light swat. For other children more may be needed, but for her, one was enough.
Using this book has made parenting very fun. We have no wars in our home, I've never regretted being a parent for one second.
When I was growing up, my mom would flip out and beat us kids with belts, switches, and wooden spoons. You never knew what the rules were. My mom didn't have the skills she needed to set rules and boundries to create a safe secure working household free of fighting kids.
This book meant so much for me. As I said, my daughter is 11 and I have never struck her or spanked her out of anger. Each time she has got the chop stick, which really doesn't happen now that she is older, she never had any doubt about what she had done.
For parents who are not enjoying being a parent, get this book and use what you can out of it. You will be so thankful.
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| Summary |
| Customer Rating: 2 out of 5 |
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Simply put this book talks too much about "the rod" and quoting the bible. If you are ok with that then it has some very good points. I could only get about 1/3 way through before it became too much.
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| Be willing to listen between the lines as you read this book, it makes sense. |
| Customer Rating: 5 out of 5 |
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I think most of those who object to this book are young parents, and parents of young children - those who are still enamored by all the ideals they have dancing in their heads about parenthood. The glamor, the romance, and oh how perfect of a parent they will be and how perfect of a child their children will be! Oh silly you, the young and blissfully ignorant! I say that with love.
It's the same mind set all new parents have. I certainly did 11 years ago when my 1st born came along. I had all the answers, I was going to do it all perfect and raise a perfect child! LOL! Oh my what time and parental experience (along with more children) have taught me on that subject!!!
The Pearls are not advocating abuse, they are advocating a strict, conservative lifestyle where children respect authority so they will have a better than average chance of turning in to good, productive citizens instead of whiny teens and adults who feel entitled to everything. Why? Because children raised in a firm, consistent home learn the basic core values of life. How quickly children learn to feel entitled, and how quickly as parents we find we have become their enabling servants rather than their moral, social compass.
I agree it is *almost* never to early to start training your children in the ways of right vs wrong. You certainly cannot let one become two years old, three, four, ten and then eighteen and expect them to suddenly be good, compassionate, accountable, productive adults. It has to start somewhere, and that is the Pearl's point. Good citizens are built, not born. You have to start at the foundation, in the earliest of years. It's like saying if you don't want a 200 pound St. Bernard dog shedding hair while it sleeps on your living room sofa, don't let that 20 pound puppy get up there and learn the bad habit. Break the bad habits while they are young and you won't have worse problems when they are grown. It's sheer logic, not abuse. If they are old enough to deliberately misbehave, they are old enough to be disciplined for misbehaving. It's not cute, it's not a phase, it's the seeds of meanness we're all born with that will grow the child in to a big major brat that runs your life out of control if you don't weed those seeds out as they sprout up. If you don't want a giant oak tree growing up in the middle of your patio busting up the concrete, don't let the little acorn sit there long enough to sprout roots to grow. Again, it's logical. Children do have to be trained to behave properly, they clearly can not train themselves.
You can pamper and psychoanalyze and justify and excuse your child's misbehavior, or you can call a duck a duck, accept they are ill mannered when they are, accept they will remain ill mannered until you change your parenting methods, and deal with it swiftly and effectively every time it happens. The method worked for thousands of years until the new parenting revolution took hold 40 years ago. I suggest this as a good mind expanding piece of reading. It's not touchy feely, it's just basic facts, and the facts are, a lot of kids do act like little terrorist nazi's right up to that moment when they LEARN it is unacceptable. If you hate this book, I'd venture yours behave terribly and stress you out and break your bank, but you won't admit it... therefore you won't punish them because punishment would be admitting you were wrong in letting them grow out of control. Admitting you have a problem. America was founded and built on firm obedience and discipline, not touchy feely pilgrims worried about busting up their children's self esteem by punishing them when they deserved it. And not by brats who felt entitled to fairness and equal shares of everything with out putting forth the effort to earn their just rewards.
Read the book, keep an open mind, and if possible, don't get so high on your own horse as to believe there is nothing left for you to learn because you already know it all. Nor so high as to not recognize when your kids behave in ways that do not honor their parents. If you are not training them in the way they should go, then who is?
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